If you have read even one of my posts you are probably very aware that I am very happily in touch with my own sexuality and I am unapologetic about it.
I wasn't always like this. I tried to be, the Goddess knows I tried to be, but I was shamed every time I tried. The night I went clubbing with my mum in Birmingham even. She had promised she wouldn't judge my behaviour, but wanted to go to a gay club and see what they were like. I should never have believed her, but I was told, in said gay club, dancing in my bra, three way kissing two women while having my back rubbed by a leather daddy, that apparently, this was not 'ladylike'. I heard about how unladylike my behaviour was all through the night. Getting lifted and pinned to a wall in a kebab shop while the pinner licked chilli sauce off my tits didn't help my cause. "What would your father think?" Don't know, don't care. He'd actually have to realise I was alive to give a shit. "So unladylike!" Well, call it rebellion from being taught by nuns, but I didn't really want to be ladylike, I wanted to get railed by a priest, on an altar, with candle wax on my nipples. I wanted to be whore like while dressed like Madonna.
Of course, like with everything, I blame the patriarchy, because like everything else that is wrong with the world, if you look closely, the patriarchy is at fault. Especially for making women feel bad for having a sexuality. Seriously, everything from getting paid less to not automatically having pockets in our pjs is down to the patriarchy. And don't even get me started on the crap we here about men wanting to marry a nice girl. One who is pure and chaste. Apart from the obvious fact that having a penis inside you does not fundamentally change who you are as a person, I want someone who is pure filthy and wants to be chased.
But yeah, one of the things I heard growing up was...
Nice girls don’t.
This has always taken residence right on my last nerve. For a start off, I don’t want to be nice, I never did. Nice meant blonde and pretty and in an apron with a light dusting of flower on my cheek. Nice meant serving the perfect gin and tonic when your husband came home from the office. Nice was what the nuns at the Convent of Our Lady School for Girls wanted me to be. To not question, to not speak out of turn. To not ring the devil's doorbell, and definitely not to be railed by a priest.
Fuck nice. I wanted to be interesting.
Interesting meant my own opinions, late night conversations about politics and sexuality. It meant going up to a stranger in a nightclub and asking them for a fuck. Interesting meant looking how I wanted, doing what I wanted, who I wanted, when I wanted.
And what was it I wasn’t supposed to do on the off chance I wanted to be one of these nice girls? I am autistic, I need clearer guidance than this vague bollocks. Do they not do kissing? Hand jobs? Shagging? If I had any chance of being one of these nice girls, or even making an informed decision on whether I wanted to be one, I needed more information than nice girls don’t. Maybe that was the idea. To keep girls so confused that they would be afraid of doing anything at all in case it removed this status of being nice that was obviously important to someone somewhere.
On the short but confusing list of things nice girls didn't do when I was growing up was blow jobs. Honestly. You should give your partner a hand job when you were on your period, so he didn't stray, but that was it. Of course it is the woman's fault if a man strays as you weren't being NICE enough.
Do me a favour. And answer me a question. What are you supposed to do if your man brings home another two men for you to service? Can you do handjobs then so they don't wander off? But you only have two hands. Can you put a cock in your mouth then? If you are doing this because your husband likes it that make you nice or naughty? What about if you like it? Still nice or naughty? Is it ok to do anal? DP? That still leaves one in danger of getting lost somewhere so DP with the third one in your mouth? But then that would leave both hands empty. OK, hubby brings home 4 men. That sounds much nicer.
Am I getting the hang of this yet? Or should we tell the patriarchy and the whole idea of nice girls to get in the bin where they belong? I bet I know the answer. But in case you want to debate it with me, feel free to come round. Bring a friend. Bring two. And their wives. And lube. You can never have enough lube. That will make it all the... nicer.
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