Once I got past the hot flushes, the joint pain, the mood swings, the bloating and the generally feeling invisible as an older woman, one thought flew through my mind like those banners we used to make our computers do back in the Win 3.1 days.
NO MORE BABIES!
The second thought that embedded itself in me was:
GUILT FREE FUCKING! I AM GOING TO HAVE ALLTHE SEX! MWAHAHAHAHA!
Then my vagina went BITCH, YOU THOUGHT.
It isn't like I wasn't facing innumerable barriers due to my fibromyalgia, widespread pain and general lack of mobility, now my vagina was in on the torture.
And you know, I get it. It isn't the end of the world and there are products and medications that can help. And there shouldn't be a stigma right? It is a natural thing about getting older and though my evolutionary process says that I don't need to be wetter than an otter's pocket as I am not having more babies and therefore must be left to my devices in a forest, living in a hut with chicken legs and cursing men who abuse women (actually, sign me the fuck up for that shit), as I tell my friends in the style of Esme Weatherwax, I ain't dead yet. I have things to see and people to do.
One of the things, one of my 'moves' during sex was to ask my partner(s) in a deep voice "do you feel how wet you make me?" I swear, there is not a single one of them that didn't make that sexy groan sound when I said it. Saying 'do you feel how dry I am?' is not the same. And the toxic ideas of masculinity that won't bugger off will give them a complex if you are not dripping for them. When I am playing with a vagina (when I use this term, I am including labia, both inner and outer, clitoris, the whole kit and caboodle) I love to pull out my fingers or face and get them to lick it, or kiss me and taste how sexy they are. When you aren't, it feels (again, bloody patriarchy) like you are somewhat failing. And despite being absolute bollocks, it doesn't make you feel sexy.
Am I always desert like? No. There are no tribes of wandering nomads up there, if you kiss me and take it slowly I will get wet eventually, but this is no good when what you want is to be fucked. Quick and hard. And boy, do I like that. Wanting to be pushed against a wall and taken is as normal as actually drying up a bit during and after menopause. And we can still do it. It just needs to be a bit different. We just need to adapt to our new bodies a bit.
Whereas, in the before times, I could be bending over to pick something up and SH could just pull down whatever I was wearing and slide it in, now, I get a bit of anticipation. I love it when he is working on his computer and he doesn't even look up and will say something like "at some point today I am going to fuck you all over this house." I know I am going to get it and I had best make sure that my vagina is good and ready.
Or, I will go and lube up and then push him on the sofa and climb on.
What we shouldn't do is get in our heads about it. Vaginal dryness is a normal thing. And communication with a sexual partner is a good thing. And there are other treatments. I am on a hormone cream that helps (when I remember to use it) and I am sure there are others. Talk to your doctor, talk to your menopausal friends. We're just getting utter freedom to do what we want with our bodies.
Learn to love the lube!
Always good to throw in a Terry Pratchett reference 😂