Hello again, your intrepid sex writer is back, and I would like to say it is with a bang, or at least that sexy kind of whimper that you make when he his holding his cock just out of your reach before the first stroke, or you can feel her breath on your cunt, but their tongue hasn't done the first.... lap at your clit. You know that whimper. The very thought of it, of hearing it when I suck her cock right down my throat and then... stop, hold that position, let her know that I am in charge here. That sound is enough to make my driest spells gush, usually.
But the thing is, I don't feel very sexy at the moment.
Now, don't get it twisted. It isn't that I don't feel attractive. I feel damn attractive. I am in the height of my powers now I am looking 53 firmly in the face. I have wicked, sea green eyes and I know how to line them to show them off. With 36K tits (yep, you read that right) and at 5'10" I am what is known as a MILF, a Mommy, Daddy too. I'm fit and my gosh, don't I just know it.
It is not the same as not feeling sexy.
So, I am happy to be cuddled, I am still the World's Best Big Spoon and kissing? Oh yeah, I would have to be in a coma to not want to kiss and even then, I'd probably still pucker up. One of my readers (you know who you are) told me I have given them a hotwife kink and that, I am still grinning about, I write pure filth, so you know it isn't a prudish thing.
I am recovering from my third bout of thrush in a year, My muscles are sore and I have been somewhat preoccupied with a PhD review that would determine my academic future. I haven't been able to get out to swim and my hormones are a bloody mess.
But even that isn't all of it if I am honest, and if you have been reading this blog for more that five minutes, you will know that I am nothing if not honest. Why, when I have so much going for me am I feeling unsexy?
I am missing things.
The sun came out, and as ever, my witchy bones said soon be Beltane, time for outdoor fucking and other kinds of sexual abandon. My blood stirred and so did my loins. Then I remembered. No dancing round bonfires for me now. No more going dancing full stop. No more moving to music while holding eye contact with my husband. No more hot wifing.
I miss going for a walk and ending up being pinned against a tree. I miss walking.
I miss dancing and letting my spirit show on the outside. I miss dancing.
I miss walking into a room and having conversation stop at the amazonian goddess who has just commanded attention. I miss strutting. I miss bopping. I miss turning heads.
And you know what? It is ok that I am not feeling sexy at the moment. I have more worth than that. It is ok that I am struggling to equate the me who uses a wheelchair to the me who wants to be fucked and cum on by at least ten men. (I still want that by the way. Just saying.) It is ok if I never feel sexy again. That is not likely to happen but if it did, it would be ok. There are many aro/ace people who don't feel sexy and they live happy fulfilled lives, when they are not having to explain themselves to a society that has been brainwashed into thinking that sex is the be all and end all of everything.
So yeah, I am not feeling very sexy at the moment. But I have therapy tomorrow and am going out with hubby and our friends tomorrow night. I am going to get dressed up for it too. Shave my undercut and legs and put a skirt on. I will get there, I know. I have been here before and will be here again.
I just don't feel very sexy at the moment.
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