A Note on Inclusive Language
My body is an assigned female at birth (AFAB) body. While reading this review, please adjust your thinking to your own body and needs. I want to be as inclusive as I can be, so I will be using my body as a marker only. It seems futile to refer to 'male bodies', 'female bodies', and 'intersex bodies', not to mention inaccurate as no two bodies are exactly alike. I will also be using 'partner' as an inclusive term to mean all, any or no gender. I hope that covers everyone. If not, if I get it wrong, please let me know. I want to do better. Big love xx
Welcome to the first ever review of Duct Tape and Daddy Issues! Your girl is living the dream! Paid to wank and let you know how it went. My life is wild right now and I am loving it.
So, the Bestvibe Unisex 10 Vibrating Wearable Double End Strap-On 5.9 Inch Dildo arrived a couple of days ago (in very discreet packaging) and I was EXCITED. I had a strap on but the remote control bit was wired like the old style video remotes (for people who are so old they don't know what Gen they fall into). It was also a bit tacky? Is that the word I want here? I don't know, it wasn't top of the range. It was a bit hollow which made hands free navigation a bit of a challenge. I tell you all this not in a 'when I was a child in Ireland obsessed with the colour blue...' type way that they do on food blogs, but so you know what I was used to and why I was so EXCITED when it arrived.
Coz baby, this thing is SLEEK!
It looks nice, it feels nice and smooth and it is hefty enough that if I push, even with my hips, it will go where it is supposed to.
The Specifications
The shorter bit feels good and big enough to stay in once it is in there. There is a ribbed bit just under the long bit, which is designed to rub against clits. The long bit is 5.9" and once in place looks a lot less scary. It comes with 10 vibrations, 9 of which sound like a helicopter flying overhead and the last one sounds like the BWOM from Inception. The remote control is intuitive and simple and this will make all of the difference. The harness comes with side extenders for the larger pegger and though I haven't used it yet, it does seem to be made of soft material. It only takes 2 odd hours to charge from flat to ready for take off but I left it till the next day because a deadline is a deadline and I had a deadline.
The Trial
Luckily, when it is in situ, it is not as loud as it is when not. It slid in nicely, and stayed there. Had I been intending on fucking someone with it, I would have felt quite confident that it wasn't going anywhere. I went through all the vibration permutations with it in there and you really could tell the difference. So far so lovely. "Right oh," thought I, "let's give this a proper go." I popped some lesbian porn on and lay back.
And realised I now had a cock. I wondered, what would it be like to give it a stroke. Honestly, it was really fucking hot. I stroked it and tugged it and for that fourteen minutes I was wanking with something other than my cunt.
And fuck, it was good. Mind blowingly good. I went through the vibrations again and settled on one that is kind of like a wave that goes through the three different parts and as I pulled on my silicone cock, it felt like I had balls too because of the weight. It was different, that was for sure and because of that and because my inner monologue was LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?!? it took longer to cum and when I did, it wasn't a clitoral orgasm, or a vaginal one, it was like the whole of my bottom half was involved, all the way to my asshole. It was easy to clean and is now back in its box, waiting for me to get it out again and calling to me like a massive black silicone siren. In a helicopter. Next time, pegging...
The Verdict
Dang. I mean, fuck man. Seriously.
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